"IT HAS BEEN MY CHALLENGE AND MY PLEASURE..."

Anyone who knows me will tell you, the concept of me "being on my grind" is virtually non-existent. I take the free spirit, float in the wind, let the chips fall where they may mantra way too far without even realizing how detrimental it has been or could be. A good friend of mine suggested that I come up with a five-year plan, and this time, stick to it. Follow-through has always been my weakness so this challenge is with pleasure. My master list is simple: Three key goals to focus on and smaller ones to start without. It feels good to tackle these small things knowing that I'm one step closer to my goals. So I guess I'm growing into one of those people who can feel good about being a little MIA, because I've been on my grind. SMH at me.

MAKE ROOM FOR SILENCE IN YOUR LIFE

I wouldn't be a weirdo without the constant trademark epiphany. This one courtesy of reading up on some New-Age hypothesis on how to move in the world. To sum it up, it talked about making room for silence in your life and just being centered. Me?...centered?...I know, but what's the point of living if it doesn't involve changing? A little silence works wonders to regroup, reenergize and get the full effects of sharing with others. Maybe more silence is the balance I need to increase my tight circle of people that I trust, confide in and remain loyal to. Just a thought...taking my behind back to bed now. Later....

What's In A Name?

My baby got in the car the other day looking like someone had just stolen her bike. I find out that she was mad because someone in her class had been making fun of her name. My first thought was damn, I'm dealing with this already and she's only five. 
The mother hen in me wanted to go up to the school the next day and put that little boy over my knee and beat some manners into him. I mean, in my mind, my daughter's the greatest, who wouldn't say nothing but pleasant and complementary things to such a beautiful and smart child? :). But the teacher in me realizes that he's just a little kid doing what all kids do, and surely something that my daughter will do or has already done, made fun of something that was different. As a parent, all I could tell her was that she was special and smart and not to care what people said about her. That it was okay to get upset or to have hurt feelings, but she would have to learn how to take up for herself and keep it moving. It may have been a concept that a five-year old couldn't understand, but one I'm sure I will have to repeat in the future. 

THE PAINTING THAT REFUSES TO BE FINISHED...

Man, it's been 42 days and counting...Blame it on being distracted, handling other matters or just a good ol' case of artist's block, but this painting refuses to be finished. I hung it above my bed with no plan or sketch and slowly but surely, shapes started popping out at me. If only it didn't take so long, you know I'm impatient...

I guess it's a metaphor for where I am in my life. If it takes another 42 days, I'll be cool with it. Good things happen at their own pace.

Friday Night (Haikus)

Peeling away these...
these masks I wore for free
what you've never seen

In my daughter's eyes
See peace patience potential
Give her she deserves

The beautiful ones
they come when you need them to
And give what they can

Who wants to spend life
Living in the shadows of
broken love affairs

Job of an artist
To give of yourself freely
Even if you starve

Handsome smart sincere
it is his voice I'm hearing
before I doze off

I can never be
a weak sidekick or trophy
Was built way too free

Friday nights have turned
Into a day I rush rest
As I get older

ROB BREZNY'S IDEA OF LOVE...We work towards this...

"Love smarter, love till it hurts. Up the ante on love. Take chances to express it through intimacy, dialogue and work. Express it sexually, intellectually, artistically, meditatively, socially"

FOOD FOR THOUGHT...

Effortlessly

sitting on my thrown, crown tilted, exploring my position. They eat out the palm of my hands, Food I once forgot to feed myself ...Cast spells to keep it coming

The Beginning of a Short Story...

The old women. They knew that I was coming long before my father ever met my mother. Heads of glistening grey left small gifts on the porch for the baby that was to come. Sometimes they brought flowers from their own gardens. My father would open the front door and shake his head. Crazy old women! There was alot going on around that time. His mother had left him this great big house. One he had never grown up in so it was of little sentimental value to him. He stood in the large livingroom, looked around and thought only of the most it would cost for its upkeep. He thought of finding his mother lying on the floor. Lifeless, her heart coming to a deliberate stop. This woman who had locked the door and refused to open it until he turned around and fought some of the neighborhood boys who had chased him home from school. The same woman who had given him his first set of paintbrushes because her baby "was good at drawing". Memories of a woman who knew that her only son, who would rather painting and laughing and daydreaming, was going to have to be tough to claim his happiness. When he cried and threw tantrums, she gave him that look that instatntly made him straighten up. And when he got too big and too tall for her to discipline him, she called her father to come in and chase him aorund the house. Back then, he seemed like a giant to Lee. A man who, when he wasn't swinging his belt, smoked cigars and told his grandson stories about "the old days" when black men walked around rocking Afros, dreamed of revolution and freedom, and changed the world. Lee ate it up. marveled at the picture of his Grandfather, no older than twenty, leaned an old car, cigarette in his hand, staring into the camera with the swagger of a young man who had the world at his feet. An angel in an Afro, the boy thought. The day they lowered Grandpop into the ground, he asked his mother for that picture, and held onto it ever since. It was the first picture that he hung up in the bedroom of this new house. Grandpop staring at him with that look reminding him of what he should be doing and reprimanding him when he was doing things that he shouldn't. It was all too overwhelming to a young man of twenty-nine who had yet to establish himself.

ACRYLIC...

THOUGHTS ON EDUCATION...

I went to college because, in my mind, it was the only alternative I had to ensure that I wouldn't relive the welfare checks and evictions of my childhood. I was f*cking around during my second year of undergrad, taking a few English classes because I wanted to be a writer when I was recruited by the head of the Education Department (shout-out to Dr. Drew) to be an English Education major. Being a teacher was something I stumbled upon but soon realized that when it comes to teaching, either it comes naturally to you and you adapt to any situation, or it doesn't. It's that simple. Training is oh so very important but no amount of training prepares you what you will have to face...both positive and negative.

POLITICS, POWER, AND THE PEOPLE MAKING THE DECISIONS Turn on any "news" show, read the paper. Education is the new hot topic. It is on the lips of politicians, businessman, and soccer moms. It seems as if spewing out an opinion on education is the new "in" thing to do. What we all fail to realize is that the people making all of the decisions from politicians on down, have absolutely no idea what they are talking about. Most politicians, afterall, are businessmen or are affiliated and advised by businessmen who have never taken an education class, let alone taught in one. People with no background in the profession or aim of education coming up with the newest bright idea in education is about as imformed and effective as me coming up with the newest bright idea on Wall Street, it just doesn't fit. The shift in our country's approach to education has reflected the shift in politics: the privatization and deregulation of everything that you can think of. How on earth can anyone with a social conscience try to privatize or profit off of a moral, social and ethical responsibility. How can anyone who worships a God and/or believes in the affirmation that the individual is responsible for the community, push for school vouchers, "CEOs" with no interest in the community it claims to serve, or agree to spend more money or prisons than on education? The breakdown of public education and the tendency of society to just throw our hands up will only further the deliberate anihilation of the middle class and widen the gap between the haves and the have-nots.

TEACHING IS A PROFESSION Being a teacher, especially in the inner-city, is like being a tutor, therapist, disciplinarian, parent, and life coach all in one. Like my mentor told me, during my first year of teaching, you have to teach "the whole child, not just the content of your subject". I have experienced everything from seeing the lightbulb go off in a teenager's head once they realize that they can actually have a future to being called a bitch by my own student. I have helped students write resumes and also held them in my arms as they cried. Everyday that I go to work, there is a new lesson that can be applied to how I carry myself as a woman, mother, artist, friend, and so on. I am mindful of how I dress, covering up tattoos and trying to be an example of how to conduct myself like the queen that I tell my young women that they are. My students are now incorporated into the people that I consider when making personal decisions. Sure there are teachers who are just collecting a paycheck, sitting behind their desks giving out worksheets and bad-mouthing their students publically and privately, but what about the educators who chose their line of work because they really believe in their students and making a difference? These same teachers make personal and professional sacrifices to make almost half or a third of the money that they could be making in another industry that is obviously deemed more valuable by society and this is demonstrated by their pay.

The bottom line is...if you want better teachers, provide better pay and more incentives to attract and maintain the great minds that are necessary to overhaul the flawed but sturdy structure of public education. Respect and regard the field of education as a profession, build its ranks, and change the minds of the millions of parents who want to have a greater stake in their children's futures. As so many people have pointed out before me, how do we have money for prisons, wars, and Big Bank CEOs to fly their private jets to play golf for lunch but don't have enough money for desks? The problem isn't the system, the problem is the priorities of our society and the indifference we have developed toward the community at large.

The Television/Facebook Detox:

Some people thought I was playing but I really took turning 30 seriously. It was a process to eliminate alot of fake sh*t in me and in my life. A step in that direction was cutting out TV and facebook. Between watching people peeing in sinks on Reality TV shows, the so-called "news" turning into a mix between breaking news posts about Lady Gaga's new hair color and political propaganda and people treating facebook like it was their best friend, it was just too much. One big sensory overload...

The responsibility of artists is to create as freely and as openly as possible. There should be no restrictions whatsoever . SOME ARTWORK FOR YOU...

You've gotta know when to dance and when to just walk the f*ck off...

Life is funny that way. It's all about picking and choosing your battles. We complicate matters when it's really so simple: know when to dance and know when to just walk the f*ck off. Too many people have gotten into trouble or brought unnecessary drama into their lives, self included, by not being able to tell the precise moment when they should do one or the other. For now...I dance. :)